It’s been more than a year-long battle against Covid-19. While most of us don’t see the reality of the pandemic until it touches our lives, frontliners face it every single day. They don’t always share their stories, for if they did, it would be countless. But one doctor in particular reached his breaking point recently.
Bukhari Rusli, a doctor in the anesthesia and intensive care unit (ICU) of Sungai Buloh Hospital shared his story on Instagram. His incident left him wondering whether he did his best, or was his best not enough.
“I don’t usually share things like these,” Bukhari wrote. “Because it feels pointless or it feels like someone’s death isn’t my story to tell.” But after facing death day after day, the doctor has reached his breaking point. His latest Covid-19 patient was a seemingly healthy young man. He had just entered the ICU without any major issues. As per procedure, the doctor prepared to perform an ultrasound scan on him.
“After I put him (in) a supine position, I scanned his heart and realised something was wrong,” he said. Bukhari phoned the patient’s wife to inform her that the patient wasn’t in a stable condition. “She paused. She cried. And then she said, “Doctor, (you) will do your best, right?” He told her, “I promise, ma’am.” Barely five minutes after he made the call, the cardiac monitor showed that the patient’s heart had stopped.
Bukhari performed CPR for 25 minutes, trying to restart the patient’s heart. He didn’t make it. “I didn’t do my best,” the doctor wrote. “Or maybe my best wasn’t enough.” He whispered a prayer for the patient before picking up the phone again. He then informed the wife that her husband had passed away. “She cried. Which made me cry. And we were crying on the phone together for a good five minutes,” he stated.
After everything, she thanked him for helping her husband. Bukhari couldn’t understand why. “For what?” he wondered, his words sounding bitter. “For not saving your husband?” However, he merely told he that he had tried his best. “What else can you say?” he asked. He switched to video call so she could see her husband one last time as she likely wouldn’t be able to see his face again after this. “This isn’t normal,” he wrote. “It hasn’t been normal for months now.”
This may not be normal, but this is our reality. Facing death every single day isn’t easy. But we’re thankful to our frontliners who struggle to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat when they can.
Source: China Press
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